Does my bum look big in this?

Had to pinch this photo from The Daily Telegraph. Not sure what the story is, not sure I even want to know but I deemed this photo a perfect fit for this post.

Asking Practical Man such a question would result in an emphatic, negative response. I'm sure he thinks to do otherwise could place him in very dangerous territory.

He's not alone apparently. I read last week that we lie, on average, twenty times a day. I was surprised but then got to think about the little white lies, the moments where we feel it necessary to be 'economical with the truth.' Different story. Easy to clock up 20 mini-porkers.

"Want to come to the movies tonight?" says a friend. "Ah, what a shame, " says me, "unfortunately I'm tied up." A shame? This is a friend who talks incessantly through movies, starting long before the opening credits are out and not stopping to take a breath from that point forward. We've talked about it, she knows I hate it, nothing changes. We're just different. So do I really say 'sorry but I'd rather spend an hour and a half dragging my nails down a blackboard than watch a movie with you?' Nope, I think not. I like my friend, I like to hear what she has to say, just not while trying to watch a movie.

Brad Blanton, a US psychotherapist, would say I have it all wrong. Brad advocates Radical Honesty, based on the premise that we'd all be happier if we were just brutally honest with each other. Saying how we really feel can reduce stress and allow us to experience a deeper level of communication and love. He must be on to something. His self-published book 'Radical Honesty: How to Transform your Life by Telling the Truth' is a best seller and his radical honesty workshops sell out.

I can see how saying what you're really thinking could be liberating but what about the potential impact on the recipient? Personally, I feel levels of stress would increase and communication, while it may be deeper, might not be at all positive if I didn't censor my thoughts before opening my mouth sometimes.

Back to the bum question. Would Practical Man's health improve if he said it like it is? For some reason, he's not stepping up to be an experimental guinea pig.

A moose once bit my sister....

Now if a friend told me this, I'd be inclined to disbelieve him or her. After all, Australia isn't really known for rampaging herds of moose.

Such obvious untruths aside, apparently most of us aren't very skilled at detecting when people are lying to us. Many times, we want to trust people, particularly when the stakes are low or they're telling us what we want to hear.

When I ask about my new hair cut, do I really want you to tell me my expensively coiffed bob makes me resemble Lloyd from Dumb and Dumber?

No realli! She was Karving her initials on the moose

with the sharpened end of an interspace toothbrush

Truth is (!) that we all lie. We do it to get what we want, to please others, to get out of trouble. I've trotted out the 'my alarm didn't go off' story rather than admit I just couldn't get out of bed. I've been 'economical with the truth' in order to spare someone's feelings. So called 'white lies' but lies nonetheless.

"...given her by Svenge - her brother-in-law - an Oslo dentist ..."

Harmless enough? Maybe. But there are times when we really need to know whether we're getting the truth from someone. Important decisions may rest upon it. Remember the recent Naked Tomato incident and the ensuing outfall?

Face to face, it may seem easier to detect a lie but there are no guarantees.

"Lying is not a distinct psychological process with its own unique behavioral indicators. It does matter how liars feel and how they think. Indeed, many of the tell-tale signs common to liars, like fidgeting and sweating, can also be signs of ordinary anxiety. It’s tough to tell the difference between a liar and an honest person who happens to be under a lot of stress."

Professor Bella DePaulo, University of California

"..and star of many Norwegian movies: "The Hot Hands of an OsloDentist","Fillings of Passion", "The Huge Molars of Horst Nordfink"..."

There are several cues that may suggest when someone is being less than truthful with you, although these should be viewed with Professor DePaulo's words in mind. Such signs may simply reflect someone's general nervousness or anxiety.

A failure to maintain eye contact.

A change in tone, stammering, throat clearing.

Fidgeting, touching the face or nose (the Pinocchio sign), turning away.

Nervous or uncomfortable behaviour in general.

Blushing (or becoming pale) and increased blinking.
Something sounds fishy. "A moose once bit my sister...." .....right up there.

Inconsistent statements. Keeping track of lies can be hard work.

Defensiveness. Refusals to answer specific questions, accustions of lying.
Willingness to change the subject, sometimes using humour or sarcasm.

Mynd you, moose bites Kan be pretti nasti...

Now, isn't that the truth?

Amendment

Thank you to Dreaming Again who made the important point that some of the body signs listed above could simply represent the manifestation of a medical condition.

Resources

How to detect lies

Lying is good for you
The top 7 signs that someone is lying to you