Emotions during the Grieving Process

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Someone who has lost a loved one, whether it is through a tragic accident or a disease like malignant mesothelioma, will go through a range of emotions following the death.

Some psychologists have put these emotions in order, organizing different "grief cycles" that progress through various stages, predicting how the bereaved might feel at a certain point in the process.

However, the fact remains that everyone grieves differently. Some people will go through these emotions quickly while others may take long periods of time in some or all of them. There is no "correct" way to mourn and the bereaved should keep in mind that all the feelings one experiences are normal though sometimes very uncomfortable or even upsetting.

Some of the intense emotions most often experienced during the grieving process might include:

Disbelief – The person left behind often has trouble grasping the fact that their loved one is gone. A person who is experiencing disbelief will often say things like, "This isn’t happening to me."

Confusion – Often distinguished by difficulty concentrating, a dazed appearance, and sometimes depersonalization, confusion is often a result of being thrust into a new scenario that doesn’t include the one who has passed on.

Shock – This emotion generally occurs immediately after the death. Shock can last just a few hours or several days. It can cause bewilderment and confusion and may even lead to temporary memory loss.

Sadness – This is a typical and likely response to the death of a loved one and it could continue for months or even years. Intense sorrow, however, should be watched as it can lead to severe depression.

Humiliation – Though they are certainly not to blame, some bereaved individuals are embarrassed about their situation and feel humiliated when with others.

Guilt – There is a frequent feeling among those left behind that maybe they could have done more for the person who passed on. Generally, these emotions are not justified and should be dealt with by a counselor should they continue to manifest themselves as they could lead to depression.

Grieving is natural, normal, and certainly crucial, and feeling these and other emotions will help the process move along. However, any one of these emotions can get out of hand and hinder daily life. When an emotion reaches that point, it may be necessary to ask for guidance, either from family members and friends or from a professional.

Grief

From www.mentalhelp.net

The first of June. The year is flying past.

I love June because it signals the commencement of winter. The Australian winter is wonderful. Cool days and brilliant blue skies. I dislike June because, in this particular month, I lost two very important people: my father and my stepfather.

Funnily enough, we were discussing grief recently in the group sessions and maybe this is what started me thinking about this. Apparently, the general consensus that the period of grief should last around three months. I can't say that I'm in agreement with that, although this probably relates to the experience of grief in terms of disruption of life. It just seems so unreasonable to put a time frame on grief.

I still experience flashes of grief even though I lost my father 19 years ago, my stepfather 9 years ago. While it doesn't happen on a regular basis, it doesn't interfere with my life functioning, it still evokes powerful emotions. It just requires a trigger....a specific date, a specific chain of events, a particular smell....out of the blue, a sense of loss as keen as it was when I first experienced it. Along with it, guilt and anger. Emotions supposedly long resolved. Kuebler-Ross may have defined a stage theory of grief (denial, anger/anxiety, bargaining, depression, acceptance). I really don't believe many people stick to the plan but switch back and forth between phases.

Of course, grief isn't just related to the loss of someone. The loss can come from any number of sources: the loss of physical or emotional health, loss of independence, loss of a job, anything that is of personal significance. It can be particularly hard to deal with when unexpected or traumatic, when it involves other life changes or when lacking support.

Facing situations like this, how we choose to manage it is key. Finding an outlet for grief can be helpful. Think about talking, writing, whatever takes your fancy. Even though we might want to withdraw, avoiding isolation is important but choose company wisely. Spend time with supportive, empathic people. Eat well, exercise and simply take time to work through the loss, however long it takes.